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The Usual Friday Crud

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Wednesday, 29 June 2005

Anyone seen a solar-sail powered satellite?

Last [not] seen being launched from a Russian sub.


Words of the week...

Geeksta rap and Nerdcore... Oh dear...


Optus gets spanked over secretive pr0n dealings... again!

Sounds like there's all kinds of dodgey deals going on with the AsiaPac telco's.


Once again, the pr0n industry drives innovation...

This is right up there with the phone service that tells you the name of the song you're listening to.


The Ant and the Grasshopper... A new take...


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays
the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper
has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays
the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to
know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others
less fortunate like him are cold and starving.

TV1 and
TV3 show up to provide live coverage of the
shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable

warm home with a table filled with food.

are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

LABOUR supporters, the Greens and the NZ MAORI PARTY demonstrate in front of the ant's house.

, interrupting an Maori cultural festival special from
Waikato with breaking news, broadcasts them singing
"We Shall Overcome."

Helen Clark and Ruth Dykeson
rant in an interview with Paul Holmes that the ant has
gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate

tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

In response to polls, the Labour
Government drafts the Economic
Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retrospective to the
beginning of the summer.

It is quickly passed through
The ant's taxes are reassessed and he is also fined for failing to
hire grass hoppers as helpers.

Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed
retrospective taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

The ant moves to
Australia, and starts a successful agribiz company.

The TV stations later show the now fat grasshopper finishing up the
last of the ant's food though Spring is still  months away, while the
government owned house he is in, which just happens to be the

ant's old house crumbles around him because he hadn't maintained it.
Inadequate government funding is blamed, retired Prime Minister Dame Helen Clark (also known as Sir Helen) now is appointed to head a commission of inquiry that will cost $10,000,000.

The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders,
praised by the government for enriching
New Zealand's multicultural
diversity, who promptly terrorize the  community.

The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the New Zealand Herald blames it on obvious failure of government to address the root
causes of despair arising from social inequity.

The Spiders await Legal Aide cheque to assist them to bring  their 20,000 brothers and sisters to New Zealand, and to sue Social Welfare and Family Support sighting the $2,000 weekly benefit as being inadequate.

Here come the rugby jokes...

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama today when
he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The
boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge awarded
custody to his aunt.

The boy however confirmed that his aunt beat him more than his parents
and refused to live there. When the judge suggested that he live with
his grandparents the boy cried out that they beat him more than anyone.

Then in an unprecedented move, the judge dramatically allowed the boy to
choose who should have custody of him.

In a final ruling yesterday, custody was granted to the British & Irish
Lions Rugby Team as the boy firmly believes that they are not capable of
beating anyone.

Tuesday, 28 June 2005

M90.org - my site of the week!

If you're a Hyena... Don't annoy the Lions!

Great clips, great sound tracks... (Beastie Boys and The Prodigy on this

Furious four string!

Somebody give this guy a guitar!


Monday, 27 June 2005

From the lifts at work today

" The funny thing about political jokes is that they get elected."

Friday, 24 June 2005

Not sure what to do with your old laptop?

Very cool use of old laptops.... Might see if I can score some of the old work ones...

GRYNX - Laptop on the wall - WallTop

The Polychromatic Girl Confronts the Virtual Boy: Questioning the Construction of Gender in Virtual Reality

This is way to heavy, even for me!

Virtual Reality MAWS Thesis: "The Polychromatic Girl Confronts the Virtual Boy:
Questioning the Construction of Gender in Virtual Reality"

More Politics

Well.. certain people at work have now blocked this site from being accessed during working hours...

Why can't they just stop being petty and do their jobs, instead of concentrating on killing everyone else's fun?

I guess I could always find another site to blog at...
Hmm... perhaps I'll build blogging into our new Corporate Portal...

Politically incorrect, but what the hell...


A recent [Australian] magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what they drank.
Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:

If Women Drink ...


Personality:                                           Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach:                                             Challenge her to a game of pool.

Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella

Personality:                                           Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach:                                             Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Vodka and Lime / Etc

Personality:                                           Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach:                                             If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

Water, H2O, Waragamba Highball

Personality:                                           Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach:                                             Don't.

Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)

Personality:                                           Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach:                                             Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

Bacardi Breezer, Vodka Cruiser, West Coast Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudslide etc.

Personality:                                           Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach:                                             Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.

Cape Velvet

Personality:                                           Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach:                                             Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Sambucca etc.)

Personality:                                           Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach:                                             Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......

IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

Rocket Fuel From Father's Bar

He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

Cheap Domestic Beer - Tooheys Red, Etc

He's poor / student and wants to get laid.

James Squire, Reschs, Melbourne Bitter Beer

He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer

He's old; and wants to get laid.


The man is a mad rapist and will get laid one way or another.


He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid

Wine - Bottled

He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

Wine - 4litre Cask, Goon

He's either a hobo or of aboriginal extraction and wants to get laid.

Vodka or Brandy

Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf.  Desperate to get laid.


Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.


He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

Jack Daniels

Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

Rum or Tequila

Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

Bacardi Breezer, Vodka Cruiser, Westcoast Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc

He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

Watch out! The grannies are armed and dangerous!


Porn in a kids market?

http://www.wired.com/news/games/0,2101,67759,00.html?tw=rss.GAMSony licensed porn to be released for the PSP (PlayStation Portable)! How long before it gets into the hands of kids?

Friday, 17 June 2005

No more mass emails...

Due to some bitterness in the office, no more mass mail outs on Fridays... so I'll just have to put them up here and then tell people to go here :)

Hard core Pawn! Zombies [Requires Sun JVM 1.3 or better as default)

You often see these on telly.. now you can get a WheelSurf yourself!

High altitude "dumps" causing problems for climbers...

OPS - StarWars from a Storm Troopers point of view [flash] (major re-interpretation)

Ahhh... you just can't beat a good break-dance battle! [Windows media]

Thank-goodness Greg doesn't play like this... [Windows media link]

You just can't hold a good plane down... "Son of Concord..."

Don't you just love playing with magnets? [flash]

It's almost as much fun as the real thing! [flash]

iPods and iTunes, a deep analysis.. not!

Want to be a DJ but just can't afford all the CDs or Vinyl? How about a scratching cassette deck?

Pee in your tank?

Ever wanted your own rollercoaster?

That's all folks!

Friday, 10 June 2005

Finally, it's Friday... You can almost feel the weekend...

For some, this might be going too far, but then again, it's probably a hoax...
People are now making games out of Google....
Airline safety card instructions... re-interprited.
Apparently last weeks 42 Migets vs 1 Lion story was a hoax... [surprise!]
Pimping... A business that is ageless...
Hmm... they're not this wimpy in the games....
Ever wanted to drive a Fort GT? Now you virtually can!
The Doors [flash]
I think Steve Jobs might be the brunt of a few jokes these days... [flash]
Just to prove that there's a website for everything... Table Tennis playing Celebrities...
NZ's classifieds are boring by comparison!
The Pizza must get through!
Dalek theft sparks a Who-dunnit
Beware... Robocop is coming....
This week it's Cybernetics....
Yes, it's sad but true... Apple will use INTEL chips in future Macs....
How well do you remember the 80's...
DJ Darth, mixes it up!  [Windows media]
Computer gaming kills! And then you go to jail!

Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Heelllooo.....
However, in business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following :

1.   Buying a stronger whip.
2.   Changing riders.
3.   Saying things like "This is the way we have always ridden this horse."
4.   Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5.   Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6.   Increasing the standards to ride a dead horse.
7.   Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8.   Creating a training session to increase the riding ability.
9.   Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.
10. Changing the constitution declaring that "This horse is not dead."
11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
14. Providing additional funding to increase dead horse's performance.
15. Do a CA study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare the horse is "Better, faster and cheaper" dead.
18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.
19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
20. Say "This horse was procured with cost as an independent variable."
21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

Friday, 3 June 2005

Link-o-rama day!

Nokia's very nice little Internet Tablet
Remember "teledildonics"?  Now there's going to be a live demo!
Viagra causes blindness? Err, it's not the Viagra that's causing the blindness... check for hairy palms too...
Just what every little dictator with Weapons of Mass Destruction needs! [java - may not work with MSJava]
Paedophilia aside... US Courts are now trying to say that just because you use encryption, you're guilty... [Full judgement]
Why did the _domestic_ chicken cross the road? Because it could! Unlike livestock...
What's better than dwarf-tossing? How about 42 Midgets vs a Lion? [This is a month old, I can't believe it's taken me this long to discover it!]
So what (pre 1985) Video Game character would you be? [I'm a Defender-ship]
Hmm... convergence of street maps and satellite images from both Microsoft and Google
Can't get to TechEd?  Don't want to sit through hours of presentations?  Try GrokTalk.
There's talk (amongst number geeks!) that Sudoko is the latest gaming craze...  [I can't see it catching on]
Computer casemodding fan...
Bad European interiors from 1974. [aka IKEA the early days...]
Good greif! [Windows media] (Did Celine Dion real stoop that low?)
Some people are far too serious about their SciFi [May contain StarWars: Revenge of the Sith spoilers]
The Placenta chair [and yet a pregnant woman would probably not be able to use it!]
My French isn't really up to it, but I'm guessing that this is a Trans Atlantic train that travels under water...
You thought the boy racers had problems... Computer game geeks do too....
Let's see Judy Baily beat this one... [flash]
Jo Cartoon does it again [flash]
Is that a Banana in your pocket?
It's all over, no more StarWars, no more Star Trek, what's a geek going to do?
Currently I'm listening to Concord Dawn

A man gets up one morning to find his wife already in the kitchen cooking.
He looks to see what she's cooking, and sees one of his socks in the Frying pan.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she replied
Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking her to cook my sock..."