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The Usual Friday Crud

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Tuesday, 31 October 2006

four stages of life

babies bottle,coke,beer,drip
[Thanks Con]

Monday, 30 October 2006

Stay off the Pole!

When pole dancing goes bad...

[Thanks Con]

Rugby, the Rituel...

[Thanks Con]

In the Woods

Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.
He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex."

After considering briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.

He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it.
Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was
better to cooperate.

Although he survived, it took several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear looked at him very sadly and said, "Admit it, Frank; you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

[Thanks Con]

Haloween Special...

Hey Dracula–Mathematics ‘proves’ you can’t exist

How to make a Cylon Jack O’Lantern

How to build an RC mobile Dalek-o-Lantern

Steampunk + Jack O’Lantern = SteamPumpkin

How to make functional Wolverine claws

Saturday, 28 October 2006

Some horrible puns

  1. The Grand Canyon is just gorges.
  2. Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
  3. If you throw a grenade into a french kitchen, you have Linoleum Blownapart.
  4. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
  5. It's a fact, tall people sleep longer in bed.
  6. Avoid funerals if you're not a mourning person.
  7. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
  8. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
  9. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
  10. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

[Thanks Jan]

Friday, 27 October 2006

Two drinks daily help men avoid heart attack

Once again, beer is held up as a pillar of healthy drinking...

We can all feel much better, at least until the next study comes out....

[Thanks Con]

Thursday, 26 October 2006


It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 litre of tap water each day, by the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli), the bacteria found in faeces.
In other words, we are consuming (at least) 1 kilo of Poo per year.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whisky, beer or other liquors for that matter) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

Therefore, we can safely assume the following:


It is obviously better to drink wine and talk sh!t, than to drink water and be full of sh!t......

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information - I am doing it as a public service.

[Thanks Con]

Tuesday, 24 October 2006

So your son wants to take Ballet?

He might not be the pansey you first thought he was...

[Thanks Con]

Friday, 20 October 2006

That's our money you're spending!

Ah, it must be so much fun spending other people's money. No need to be frugal, no need to care about the quality of the product, no need to even care if it's delivered.
And that's how it is when you get civil servants and politicians playing with all that cash fleeced from hard-working taxpayers.
Take the recent retrospective legislation regarding the spending of taxpayers' money by political parties at election time for instance...
According to the Auditor General's report, the total magnitude of the "problem" (ie: the amount illegally spent by politicians) was a hair over $1 million.
Guess how much it cost to pass legislation to legalise that spending and thus effectively eliminate that $1m problem?
Well best estimates place that cost at around $1.8m.
How's that for a sensible investment -- spend $1.8m to wipe a $1m problem.
But who cares? It's only taxpayers' money and those same MPs that wasted it will still be getting a very healthy pay rise -- as will Maarten Wevers.
Who the hell is Maarten Wevers?
he's the Head of the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet (ie: he's a really important civil servant).
He has just received a $60,000 pay rise, amounting to about 16%.
Yes, that's right, his pay *increase* is about 1.5 times the average pay that all those hard-working taxpayers have to live on for a whole year.
But hey, it's only taxpayers' money, who cares?
But wait, there's more...
Right now, I'm seriously thinking of becoming a problem gambler because it looks like this makes you a very important person, worthy of a big spend by government.
It seems that the government has handed over $500,000 to treat problem gamblers. What's wrong with that? Problem gambling is a destructive problem that can destroy families and even lead to suicide.
Well I agree, but when you realise that the number of "problem gamblers" who benefited from this half-million dollars was just 34, you've got to wonder where it all went.
Some of these problem gamblers may have received nothing more than a 16-minute phone call, for which the "provider" would have netted up to $18,000.
No; scratch that earlier idea -- I'm going to become a problem gambler support provider. You can't beat that pay -- it's even better than Maarten's!
But who cares, it's only taxpayers' money and without any real tax relief in sight, there's always going to be plenty of it to waste.
Gosh, am I being too harsh?
Has the climate of waste that saw hip-hop tours, degrees in evening-golf and a raft of other frivolous disbursement of taxpayers' money continued unabated?
Do you think our MPs and civil servants have an obligation to do better -- or will simply hiking taxes fix the problem if taxpayer funds get a little low as a result of this waste?

[Thanks Aardvark]
(I couldn't see how to link to this specific article...)

Warblers: We're not guilty

Quote's Con:

"Oh dear, this is terrible. I have heard amateur singers sing better than this.. in fact, at my flat on Singstar!
Flick through to the Jordan bit - verse two. Peter is bad enough but I've heard cats crying more in tune that this!"

[No thanks Con]

More than 100%?

Mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

B-U-L-L -S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S -I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bull$$$$ and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

[Thanks Con]

An SMS Story

Duped man sent dirty letter to shop worker after message blitz
By Gordon Currie
A BESOTTED man thought he was being sent dirty text messages by a local shop worker - but he was being duped by operators of a phone sex line.
Chris Shepherd, 58, began hanging around his local post office and talking to assistant Heather Hay, convinced the messages were coming from her.
She eventually called police who warned Shepherd off.
But the messages continued and Shepherd posted an obscene letter to her home.
And at Perth Sheriff Court yesterday, he admitted breach of the peace by sending the letter in July this year.
Shepherd, of Aberfeldy, Perthshire, told police he had been texting Miss Hay for months.
He also said she had been responding with equally explicit messages.
But the number he called turned out to be a premiumrate phone sex text line operated by Opera Telecom.
Prosecutor John Malpas said the company had used information given by Shepherd and manipulated it to string him along.
The company claimed the person sending him the dirty texts was called "Heather" and said she worked in a nearby shop - when the real Miss Hay, 40, had nothing to do with the messages.
When police asked if he thought Miss Hay had sent them, Shepherd replied: "Yes. She said she lived near me and worked at the Post Office."
Defence lawyer John McLaughlin said: "He moved to the area and was rather lonely and started making contact with this line.
"The company were picking up information from him and feeding it back to make him keep in contact.
"The letter was sent in good faith to the person he believed would appreciate contact.
"Because of the way the calls were being fed led to the local shop, he spoke to the lady and was surprised when she wanted nothing to do with him.
"He has been duped in an attempt to keep him on the hook in terms of the cost in fees paid to the phone company."
Sentence was deferred for reports and Shepherd was added to the sex offenders register.

[Thanks Con, who works for a competing SMS company that would never stoop this low...]

For the discerning traveller - try Yorkshire Airlines

[Thanks Con]

Thursday, 19 October 2006

The GP2X - OpenSource Handheld gaming...

That's right the GP2X is a handheld device, not to dissimilar to the PSP, only it runs Linux and your can write your own games for it (or just load an emulator or one of the many coversions...)

It plays movies (mpeg, divx, etc)... and music (mp3, ogg, etc) and plugs into your TV... and your USB port on your PC... and it takes SD cards... The list goes on...

It's predecessor the GP32 was an opensource Gameboy Advance clone...
Neat! And at ~AU$290, I think that's cheaper than a PSP! And all your games are free!

Wednesday, 18 October 2006

Day at the zoo

It was a beautiful, warm spring morning. A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose-fitting, pink dress - sleeveless with straps.
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.
He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.
He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did, and the gorilla was about out to tear the bars down.
"Now show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said.
This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.

"Now, tell him you have a headache!"

[Thanks Con]

Tuesday, 17 October 2006

Darwin candidate for the Darwin Award...

[Thanks Con]

Rugby World Cup 2007 Annoucement

[Thanks Con]

Bush Pilot

[Thanks Con]

Tuesday, 10 October 2006


Yup, just another Arkanoid clone...


BallBounce isn't just another bat-ball type game...
Well Ok, so it kinda is, but it gets pretty hard, pretty quickly...


Meet Bossaball... this is basically mini-tramps meets volleyball...

It looks way cool and there will be plenty of spectacular stunts and moves, but it's just ripe for injury....

Monday, 9 October 2006

Disposable BBQ

[Thanks Con]


Crazy airline ad...

[Thanks Con]


100% Beer!
Wacky ad of how to git rid of your partner so you can watch the footy...

[Thanks Con]

Not so Kodak moments...

[Thanks Con]

Kodak Moments...

[Thanks Con]

Wednesday, 4 October 2006

Counting Sheep

A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.
"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"
"40," replies the dog.
"How can there be 40?" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"
"I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."
[Thanks Con]

Tuesday, 3 October 2006

marienkäfer [ladybird]

marienkäfer [flash]

Ever wondered what ladybirds do when they're bored?

[Thanks Jan]

Ronaldiniho's Pad - or "How to score chicks when you're butt-ugly"

Ronaldiniho's Pad

View the PowerPoint HERE.

[Thanks Con]

Mello Yello - It's back baby!

Mello Yello [flash]

Yup, all this 80's revival is going to Coke's head.. All we need now is Leeds... (though I think that died out before the 80's)

Monday, 2 October 2006

Goggles :: The Google Maps flight sim

Goggles :: The Google Maps flight sim [flash]

Woohoo.... now you can zoom around Google Maps (including Mars and the Moon) flying your own little bi-plane, straffing to your hearts content! Pity it doesn't have an NZ starting point... But it's early days yet.

And Microsoft spends how much on each episode of MS FlightSim?

Hack you Kitchen: Dishwasher Salmon

Wine X Magazine

Yup, that's right, how to poach Salmon in your dishwasher!

Must try it night time Salmon is cheap enough to even think about this...

Photo Galleries > Photos: Playing PacManhattan

Playing PacManhattan

Once again, video games meet real life...