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The Usual Friday Crud

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Wednesday, 29 June 2005

The Ant and the Grasshopper... A new take...

THE ORIGINAL VERSION OF THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays
the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper
has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.


THE MODERN  NEW ZEALAND  VERSION


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays
the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to
know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others
less fortunate like him are cold and starving.

TV1 and
TV3 show up to provide live coverage of the
shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable

warm home with a table filled with food.

Kiwis
are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

LABOUR supporters, the Greens and the NZ MAORI PARTY demonstrate in front of the ant's house.

TV1
, interrupting an Maori cultural festival special from
Waikato with breaking news, broadcasts them singing
"We Shall Overcome."

Helen Clark and Ruth Dykeson
rant in an interview with Paul Holmes that the ant has
gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate

tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

In response to polls, the Labour
Government drafts the Economic
Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retrospective to the
beginning of the summer.

It is quickly passed through
Parliament.
 
The ant's taxes are reassessed and he is also fined for failing to
hire grass hoppers as helpers.

Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed
retrospective taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

The ant moves to
Australia, and starts a successful agribiz company.

The TV stations later show the now fat grasshopper finishing up the
last of the ant's food though Spring is still  months away, while the
government owned house he is in, which just happens to be the

ant's old house crumbles around him because he hadn't maintained it.
Inadequate government funding is blamed, retired Prime Minister Dame Helen Clark (also known as Sir Helen) now is appointed to head a commission of inquiry that will cost $10,000,000.

The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders,
praised by the government for enriching
New Zealand's multicultural
diversity, who promptly terrorize the  community.

The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the New Zealand Herald blames it on obvious failure of government to address the root
causes of despair arising from social inequity.

 
The Spiders await Legal Aide cheque to assist them to bring  their 20,000 brothers and sisters to New Zealand, and to sue Social Welfare and Family Support sighting the $2,000 weekly benefit as being inadequate.

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