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The Usual Friday Crud

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Friday, 23 December 2005

It's 1978 and a Ferrari 275 GTB with an on-car camera, does 140Mph through Paris...

pjammer: Rendezvous - (hat tip, Faisal Jawdat) [article and quicktime download]

Thursday, 22 December 2005

Looks like the koala's finally have some comptetition

Compfused.com - Naughty Kangaroo [windows media]

Clever little flash clip..

Play [flash]

Google digests another year of searching...

Google Press Center: Zeitgeist

Interesting look at the world and events through the eyes of a search engine. A little geeky, but there's some interesting observations too...

The Best Rally Car Crashes

Planet Vids - Crazy Videos - The Best Rally Car Crashes [windows media]

Getting Sex advice from Gamer booth-babes?!?!?!?

Nerve.com - Sex Advice from . . . Game Convention Girls by Justinechanel Ostapowicz

12 days of Christmas - Chav style [Kiwi's probably wont get this one]

On the 12th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me,
twelve chavvers chavving,
eleven prammers pushing,
ten lads joy-riding,
nine laddettes drinking,
eight midriffs showing,
seven scallies stealing,
six teens a-laying,
fiiiveee sovereign riinngggs,

four stolen phones,
three navel studs,
two tracksuit tops
and a pikey in a Bur-berr-y ................ (applause)

The World According to America

Now we know how McDonalds does it... (and other comics)

Christmas Elf Name

Christmas Elf Name

What's your Christmas Elf name? Mines "Peppy Angel-Pants"!!

Busted Tees : Jokes you can wear! Funny T-Shirts!

Busted Tees : Jokes you can wear! Funny T-Shirts!

Wednesday, 21 December 2005

what part of your body goes to heaven first?

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven . . . which part of your body goes first?

"Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands".
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes you hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
"Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?
"Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!
"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

The nun fainted.

Grown up reality ...

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

Tuesday, 20 December 2005

Corey Martinez BMX Video - Google Video

Corey Martinez BMX Video - Google Video [flash video]

Dammm.... that's some hot BMXing...

A little flying indoors...

Torque indoor at home - Google Video [flash video]

Don't try this at home :)

BTW Google Video rocks for mindless crap....

Where Eagles Fly - Google Video

Where Eagles Fly - Google Video [flash video]
OK, so I like watching fighter planes...
But check out the atmospheric effects of these boys... (particularly about 3:30 in)

A water powered jet pack!

LOL a water bottle jet pack - Google Video [flash video]

If it wasn't from Japan, I would have considered this a fake...

100 to 0 in 1 second... in a Smart car

Smart - Google Video [flash video]

Yes, it's that other car program again...

Even though the car does remarkably well, I'm glad I wasn't in it...

Dear Alcohol

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours.
As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions.
While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

  1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call my ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?
  2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kebab, a butter chicken curry along with a sausage with cheese, onion
    and mustard (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few sweet chilli and sour cream red rock chips)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I
    think you went too far this time.
  3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me.
    Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front
    door key into the lock!!
  4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous.
    I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water,
    vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out
    face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should
    be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you.


  1. Innovative
  2. Preliminary
  3. Proliferation
  4. Cinnamon


  1. Specificity
  2. British Constitution
  3. Passive-aggressive disorder


  1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
  2. Nope, no more beer for me.
  3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
  4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
  5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing!

"Lame Country" well named...

The Exploding Whale! - Google Video [flash video]

You'd never get away with this, here in NZ!

That other British car program...

Car vs Boat vs Bike - Google Video [flash video]

Nice add for Honda too.
But like the boat was ever going to come close...

How to park a front-wheel-drive car...

civic-cut-side.mpg - Google Video [flash video]

First to buy and Xbox.... first to smash it....

Smash My Xbox - Rough - Google Video [flash video]

How long does it take you to figure out what they're advertising?

Google Video [flash video]

Yup, even SysAdmins need a song

The Sysadmin Song - avi - Google Video [flash video]

Monday, 19 December 2005

Merry Christmas

Dear All,

After the disgraceful behaviour at last years Christmas function, it has been decided to limit this years alcohol intake. Therefore, it has been decided that you will be limited to one alcoholic drink per person.

Friday, 16 December 2005

Crazy "Hong Kong - Kung Fu" spoof video

The Ministry of Unknown Science - Boys and Girls

Here comes interactive wrapping paper!

Wired News: E-Paper's Killer App: Packaging

Mind bending version of the Towers of Hanoi

Junk's Hanoi by Junk Kato [Java]

You'll either barf of love this one...

Cute Overload! ;)

Play time!

XGenStudios.com - Stick Arena [flash]

Never was a truer word spoke...

HDTV - the debate we don't care about

HD TV hasn't hit NZ yet. I suspect you can get HD TV's, and the odd HD DVD(?) but they're basically rare and expencive.

In the USA and Europe (and probably Japan) however, it's a different story, many cable, satelite and tradtionaly TV stations are now broadcasting in one of the many HD formats.

And it's these varying formats that are generating a lot of debate, particularly around quality.

If you're an electronics geek or audiophile (what's the TV equivalent?) then you might find the following article interesting.

If you're not, ignore the technical stuff, read the "average discussion" and then laugh at the comics.

Rory Blyth - Neopoleon.com

Dr Bose (audio genius) develops radical active suspension for cars...

Wired News: Bose Suspension Takes On Potholes

This guy will go a long way just to get a smooth drive to the office...

Fake news makes headlines...


Wednesday, 14 December 2005

Another entertaing blog...

Cheeks n Paste n Digby's ramblings!

Banking with NatWest

If you are a bank, and your customers are complaining they have to wait in line to long, do you:

  1. Put on more tellers
  2. Open more branches
  3. Remove all the clocks so the customers don’t realize how long they have been waiting for

Of course, if you are any sane bank, option 1 or 2. If you are Natwest, you have to take option 3



The wife comes Home early & finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful, sexy young lady!

"You unfaithful disrespectful pig! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving this house, I want a divorce!"

The husband replies "Wait, Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least listen to what happened"

"Hummmmm, I don't know, well it'll be the last thing I will hear from you. But make it fast, you unfaithful pig you"

The husband begins to tell his story...
"While driving home this young lady asks for a ride. I saw her so defenceless that I went ahead and allowed her in my car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that she had not eaten for 3 days. With great compassion and hurt, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain weight; the poor thing, practically devours them.
Since she was very dirty I asked her to take a shower. While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw her clothes away.
Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you have had for a few years that you can no longer wear because they are too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you will not wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair."

The husband continues his story...
"The young woman was very grateful to me and I walked her to the door.
When we got to the door she turned around and with tears coming out of her eyes, she asks me:
"Sir, do you have anything else that your wife does not use?"

Tuesday, 13 December 2005

Planet Vids - Crazy Videos - Rejected By Women

Planet Vids - Crazy Videos - Rejected By Women [windows media]

Boy, I'm glad my dating year(s?) were never this rough!

Alternate King Kong posters

Worth1000.com | King Kong

For the coffee drinkers...

Latte Art

And we all thought the American's were the dumbest race on the planet...


Get your Superman factoids here...

Main Page - Supermanica

When car advertising goes wild...

Link Shard - Fiat Grande Punto G (Big G Spot) [quicktime]

Jessica Alba nude

Jessica Alba nude [turn the sound up!]

The "Many" faces of Paris Hilton...

Link Shard - Expressionless Paris Hilton

Link Shard - Kamasutra Web

Link Shard - Kamasutra Web

Umm.... very adult natured....

Now the games get more fun...

Link Shard - Wet-Shirt game [flash]

Honda gets into viral adverts

Link Shard - The Impossible Dream ADV [quicktime]

BBC - Doctor Who - The Last Dalek

BBC - Doctor Who - The Last Dalek [flash]

Go the BBC!

Play time!

Plumber 2 | GameHarvest.com

Unitversity just gets easier and easier!

The advent of iPod U

Now you can get your University lectures, as podcasts...

The the Aeon Flux you can eat... yummy....

Aeon Flux Movie - Official Site: AeonFlux.com

Google Video strikes back

Thanks to this site: Google Video of the Day

You can discover some of the whacked out things people are doing with video on the net.

Manchester United suffers a draw with Everton...

Ronaldo 'eases the pain' after Man U's draw against Everton

Friday, 9 December 2005

Poor old Manchester United...

I'm a Crystal Palace supporter from way back, so I have no quarms about posting this one!

[Note: Pampers are daipers/nappies]

Thursday, 8 December 2005

Not aimed at any boss in particular...

Interview with an Honest Boss [flash]

For the eBay lovers...

A fool and his money are soon parted

Tuesday, 6 December 2005

Staff Christmas Party


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 01, 2003
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2003
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2003
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 04, 2003
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F#$king Employees
DATE: October 05, 2003
RE: The F#$%ing Holiday Party

Vegetarian pr!cks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f#$%ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
The B!tch from HELL!!!!!!!!

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2003
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Interesting Trivia

Things you probably didn't know:

  1. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
  2. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
    Spades - King David,
    Hearts - Charlemagne,
    Clubs -Alexander, the Great
    Diamonds - Julius Caesar
  3. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
  4. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
  5. 'I am.' is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
  6. Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
    A. Conception.
  7. Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you could find the letter a ?
    A. One thousand.
  8. Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common.
    A. All invented by women.
  9. Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
    A. Honey
  10. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase 'goodnight, sleep tight'.
  11. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what we know today as the honeymoon.
  12. In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King, the King who gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F.*.*K (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Now you know where that word came from.
  13. Last but not least: In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

Jedi Trainer

Play time!
Jedi Trainer [flash]

The Bunny and the Snake

Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.

By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.

The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no ears, no backbone and no balls.

I'd say you must be either a team leader or possibly someone in senior management".

How embarrising!

When being a man can really bring out the baby in you...
FLURL.com - Muskeljunge [windows media]

Thursday, 1 December 2005

Symptoms of Bird Flu

Try to avoid those who may have been exposed for....ahem...obvious reasons..

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has released a list of the symptoms of Bird Flu.

If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:

  1. High fever
  2. Congestion
  3. Nausea
  4. Fatigue
  5. Aching in the joints
  6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone's windshield.

Marriage: the basic facts