posted by Craig Humphrey at
4:37 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
4:34 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
4:34 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
4:19 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
4:13 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
4:11 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
2:36 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
1:58 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
10:17 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
11:26 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
11:07 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
10:54 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
9:33 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
12:33 am
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An American, a Japanese and a Chinese went for a hike one day.. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted.
When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water, since it was fairly secluded.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom".
As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the Japanese quickly used their hands to cover their privates. But the Chinese covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on. The American and the Japanese asked the Chinese why he covered his face rather than his private part.
The Chinese replied, "I don't know about you, but in my country, it's the face that people recognize."
[Thanks Con]posted by Craig Humphrey at
5:01 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
9:06 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
1:24 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
9:14 am
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[Thanks Con]
posted by Craig Humphrey at
9:10 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
10:30 am
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1 comments
posted by Craig Humphrey at
9:35 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
9:21 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
9:20 am
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Sophie Ellis Bextor found headbutted to death in the apartment of a French footballer.
Apparently it was murder on Zidanes floor...
[Thanks Con]
posted by Craig Humphrey at
9:15 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
12:22 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
9:57 am
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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. So she puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a football."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "£250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have football boots." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
- "£750"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" Boy -"£1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that shit again. You're in my cupboard now"
[Thanks Con]
posted by Craig Humphrey at
8:54 am
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WATER......
It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop!
However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, vodka, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.
WATER = Poop
WINE (or alternate spirits) = HEALTH
In my opinion it is better to drink wine and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit.
[Thanks Con]posted by Craig Humphrey at
8:52 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
10:22 pm
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Scenario:
You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a deep valley and on your right side is a fireengine travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're pissed.
[Thanks Gibble]posted by Craig Humphrey at
8:59 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
3:14 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
3:10 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
3:07 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
3:04 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
3:01 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
2:57 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
2:52 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
2:46 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
2:41 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
2:39 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
2:31 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
2:28 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
2:24 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
2:20 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
12:39 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
12:11 pm
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What I did on my summer holiday
By Theo Walcott Esq aged 8 1/2I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other grown up's. It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf used to live with his nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle Owen does live there, and the grown up's say I cant talk about the bad man as it will make Uncle Owen cry if I do. In Germany there are lots of castles and some mountains. We are staying in a place called Baden Baden that's a silly name, Uncle Frank has the same name as his dad, that's silly too, his mum must get their underpants mixed up all the time.
On the aeroplane Uncle Sol sat next to me, he got me some toffee and wants to be my friend, he works at the place where I do my YTS, so does Uncle Freddy but him and Uncle Sol are not best friends anymore.
Uncle Owen met us at the airport, he talks foreign, Uncle Wayne, Uncle Steven and Uncle David also talk funny, my mum says Uncle David talks like Orville, he is a duck, Uncle Sol say's uncle David wears dresses and knickers, and asked me if I had ever worn them. Uncle Sol got me some pop.
In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my grandad says we beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a long time ago.
While the grown up's went to play football, I went shopping with Auntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and got herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten any and threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play with Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of her songs, I think she was telling fibs.
I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then he bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's & thousands on it.
All the other grown up's have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he plays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Sol happy, that's why I got taken on holiday.
The grown up's went to play Football against somebody called Sweden, Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not talk to him. Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. Uncle Sven is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss last night. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for a plaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books, he is rubbish at football though.
Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of out holiday but it got better so they let him play football. Uncle Sol got me a present but I do not like it. He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I should while we are here, they are too tight for me.
All the grown up's started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head who stood on somebodys spuds. He got shouted at by the referee. They are all saying that we have to go home now. Uncle Sol was crying again and I had to sit on his knee to make him stop. He had his mobile phone in his pocket, I think.
[Thanks Con]posted by Craig Humphrey at
12:05 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
12:02 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
12:00 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
11:55 am
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Or just go BBC:posted by Craig Humphrey at
11:48 am
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There seems to be a certain ammount of ill-will towards these guys...posted by Craig Humphrey at
11:46 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
8:29 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
11:38 am
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A Backhoe weighing 8 tons is on top of a flatbed trailer and headingeast on Interstate 70 near Hays, Kansas. The extended shovel arm ismade of high tensile steel and the approaching overpass is made ofcommercial-grade concrete, reinforced with 1 1/2 inch steel rebarSpaced at 6 inch intervals in a crisscross pattern layered at 1 footvertical spacing.
Solve: When the shovel arm hits the overpass, how fast do you have tobe going to slice the bridge in half? (Assume no effect for headwindand no braking by the driver...)
I thought I had blogged this already... but this is a new slant...
[Thanks Catherine]
posted by Craig Humphrey at
9:19 am
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.jpg)
posted by Craig Humphrey at
8:58 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
8:57 am
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
2:39 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
2:35 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
2:32 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
12:11 pm
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posted by Craig Humphrey at
11:33 am
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My usual blog is serious, this one, is not...
May contain ADULT content!
Hi, I'm Craig, I work for Chapman Tripp, a large New Zealand Law firm. I live and work in Auckland and this blog is just to pick out some of the high/lowlights of my days working for lawyers, dealing with ISPs/telco's and trying to write code [yup, sometimes I manage to do this]. This blog in no way reflects the views of my employer or anyone else for that matter.
