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The Usual Friday Crud

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Wednesday, 1 November 2006

Workplace notice

Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

  1. Try Saying:
    I think you could do with more training
    Instead Of:
    You don't have a f*cking clue, do you?
  2. Try Saying:
    She's an aggressive go-getter.
    Instead Of:
    She's a f*cking power-crazy b*tch
  3. Try Saying:
    Perhaps I can work late
    Instead Of:
    And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?
  4. Try Saying:
    I'm certain that isn't feasible
    Instead Of:
    F*ck off a*se-wipe
  5. Try Saying:
    Really?
    Instead Of:
    Well f*ck me backwards with a telegraph pole
  6. Try Saying:
    Perhaps you should check with...
    Instead Of:
    Tell someone who gives a f*ck.
  7. Try Saying:
    I wasn't involved in the project.
    Instead Of:
    Not my f*cking problem, mate.
  8. Try Saying:
    That's interesting.
    Instead Of:
    What the f*ck?
  9. Try Saying:
    I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
    Instead Of:
    No f*cking chance mate.
  10. Try Saying:
    It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in
    Instead Of:
    Why the f*ck didn't you tell me that yesterday?
  11. Try Saying:
    He's not familiar with the issues
    Instead Of:
    He's got his head up his f*cking a*se.
  12. Try Saying:
    Excuse me, sir?
    Instead Of:
    Oi, f*ck face.
  13. Try Saying:
    Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway
    Instead Of:
    Yeah, who needs f*cking holidays anyway.

Thank You,
Human Resources

[Thanks Con]

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