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The Usual Friday Crud

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Wednesday, 10 August 2005

The Truth about Guys

ASIAN GUYS:
First of all, Asian guys are either too skinny, too brainy (u don't
understand half of wat he's sayin') or too rich to date so don't even
think of goin' there, well, unless you as an island chick, don't believe
in cornbeef, taro, or where most of us fit...MUMMY and DADDY want the
money coz they're sick of losing the Tuesday Night bingo.
ADVICE:
Let's just forget I even mentioned an Asian guy.

PALAGI GUYS: (Otherwise known to us FOBS as Mea Papae:):
Well would he even contemplate goin' out with a chick who has 2 sisters
and 5 BROTHERS!!!!... I think not!
ADVICE:
Let your brothers do the choosing

MAORI GUYS (Or otherwise known as HORIS):
He looks cute from behind right? nice ass (a skinny one), nice hair (so
it seems), and a nice build until he turns round.....in some
cases...yes...in others..NO....If you do go on a date, his first
question would most probably be..."Aye bro" (regardless of you being a
girl and all....you still get called BRO)...."You smoke weed?"....Your
ideal date as a chick would most probably be a movie, dinner, then home?
Well sorry to break that image, would most definitely result in the
following....

1) YOU pickin' HIM up
2) Heading str8 to the Tinnie House
3) Him wanting a root after gettin' high
4) Then those last words....CALL ME K? CHE CHE
ADVICE:
Again - Let the BROTHERS choose

TONGAN GUYS (Otherwise known as HORSE-MEN):
Now why would you wanna go there for and date a Tongan Guy? His English
and his name are just as bad as his looks!!!....unless he's one of those
Half Tongan half Palagi's which you get once every blue moon....so I
doubt it. Let me break it down a bit more, with that gold tooth shining
out brighter than the sun, and hair that has more blonde than black in
your face... SUGA....you're better off lookin' somewhere else...NOT at
THE EVAEVA club THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ADVICE:
His sister who probably looks more like a man than him, will deal with
you....so let's just not go there.....

NIUEAN GUYS:
Well well well, for starters, his hair is probably longer than yours, up
& down, (you dirty minded girls), he'll be too busy tellin' you bout who
invented the NAUGHTY BY NIUEANS t-shirt, more than anyfin' else...and
how they're known as SAVAGES...yeah rite...everyone knows that when you
are a PACIFIC ISLANDER....you are automatically labelled as a
SAVAGE...he spends most of his time doing the TUIA TUIA TUIA...sheesh be
careful....SE MAKA I KUIA....

ADVICE:
Tell him to tie up his hair, and get rid of the 'HIGH VOCAB' talk.

COOK ISLAND GUYS:
Okay, when it comes to C.I. guys, they come in two categories. He'll
either have an identity crisis and think he's Maori, or he'll be so
fresh off the boat that his idea of a good time is MANGERE
POOLS..."Feels jut like Home" he says. You'll enjoy his company coz he's
a bit of a joker but once he knows he's got you wrapped around his lil'
finger, he'll then want you wrapped around something else. He'll
effortlessly try and get into your pants or should I say PANTIES, and
hopefully you don't give in just after two weeks.

ADVICE:
Ask if he's had an HIV test when you first meet. Guaranteed he won't
know what you're talkin' bout.

INDIAN GUYS (Otherwise known to us females as RAPISTS): Suga....wat the
hell are you thinking aye? He might be rich and has a car, but come on
now girls...JUST LOOK AT HIM!!! You just don't go there. He just blends
in with the dark. Makes you wonder exactly what you hold when you're
sleepin' next to him doesn't it? Do you even understand what he says to
you? I thought others were bad.....but these guys are LITERALLY bad. I
mean....COME ON...YOU GOTTA BE JOKIN'. And have you even smelt THEM.
It's a wonder you still have your NOSE.

ADVICE:
Just don't even look in his direction...PLEASE....I BEG YOU!!!!

SAMOAN GUYS:
Well what can I say???hehehe...they're nice (outside & inside, as long
as they don't show their toes, and trim their nose hair), nice bodies,
nice everything....well maybe you can look past the BROKEN ENGLISH, THE
THREE FINGERS, THE GINORMOUS NOSTRILS...must I go on??...HEY! I said
MAYBE. You'd probably feel like takin' him home after the first
date...IF YOUR DAD IS SAMOAN....then that would be your number ONE
wish....and.....well...if you see yourself with this one in the LONG
RUN..then I suggest you learn to BOX, because one wrong move...and YOU
KNOW THE DRILL....

ADVICE:
Be prepared to become WIFE number 5. You know he has how many other wife
and kids.

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