Laying down the law....

Simon was about to marry Nicola and his father took him to one side. "When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers," he said.

I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large. I told her, "of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. " Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem."....

Simon took his father's advice and as soon as he got Nicola alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Nicola and told her to put them on. Nicola said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them. "Exactly," replied Simon. "I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that".

Nicola paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Simon. "Try these on," she said, so he tried them on but they were too small. "I can't possibly get into your knickers," said Simon.

"Exactly," replied Nicola. "And if you don't change your f*cking attitude, you never will."